Dream: Dear Self....

Everything is dark, I can't tell if I'm inside, or outside or even what I'm walking on.
Suddenly I feel someone touch my shoulder from the back, it scares me so much I let out a gasp. But I don't turn around yet. I feel an energy seeping into me, like the color yellow more like gold flowing into my blood, I feel like how glitter looks when you throw it in the air.
I feel myself smile, and I giggle.

Suddenly everything around me is illuminated by a shining blue color. So you can only see the outlines of things. I turn around quickly, but no one is there. I look down and there's a small key. I pick it up. It's made out of wood I put it in my pocket and walk toward a large stage. I walk up the stairs and look back, I'm in an theater, one where you would watch plays. The seats are empty except one. There is the guy I dream of often (the one I refer to as my guide, and Mary has said is my Action). I can only see the green glow of his eyes, but I can feel that it's him. He looks like his head is turned slightly, it's still extremely dark with just the light blue casting shadows. I feel almost embarassed, like he can see me just fine, but I'm struggling to see him.

I hear rustling behind a curtain. A girl comes out. She is Me. She bumps into me, like she can't see me, but it doesn't phase her, she walks through me.... literally. I can feel it, it's the same goldish/yellow color again. She hurries down the stairs and walks toward the guy in the seats. He stands up and reaches his hands out. I can see them now, it's not dark anymore. I watch from the stage, they are standing between rows of seats. She reaches in her pocket but it looks like she's lost something she was going to give him.
I remember the key I picked up. Was it me? who dropped the key? when I touched myself???
I walk down the stairs, hesitating... I feel like a third wheel here, lol.

I am right next to them but the girl who... is me can't see me. But he can... he watches me.
I can't give her the key to give him, because she doesn't see me....
I try to put the key in her pocket but it falls on the floor.
So.... I copy 'myself' and touch "my" shoulder.

And then I wake up, I realize I'm crying in waking life.

New Moon: Intention (May 13th)

I am Creative.
I am an Artist.

Something in me Just Woke.

why I used to be, the way I was.
And I miss that  feeling more than anything.
I miss the way the sun rises in Maryland,
and for some reason it just looks so much better there, rather than in this dying town.

Dream: Future meets the Present

I'm outside in someone's backyard,
There's a bunch of people talking to eachother, I remember in my dream feeling too hot.
I end up wandering away from everyone and sitting on a porch. The house is light blue and white. I don't know where I am, or who any of these people are.
Everyone's faces are blurry.
A tiny little orange kitten runs out from under the porch, he has a red bandana on, and I
I get down on my knees and look at the kitten peaking her little face out.
I crawl under the porch, my hands and legs are covered in dirt the kitten seems excited that I'm giving her attention. I sit indian style with her as she climbs in my lap, kneading, and falls asleep.

The dream flashes to some garage, full of diet cola bottles. I kind of just peak in, curiously. I turn and my mom is there, I'm so happy and relieved to see her. Finally, someone I know.
The garage closes, and a man comes walking from the front of the house he offers my mom a drink. He offers her a cola, she says 'as long as it's not diet' and giggles. The man says 'maybe you should try it by the looks of ya'... indicating an insult to my mom's weight.
I feel livid. I want to strangle him, but he looks big, and mean. My mom's face is shaded, dark grey, she is sad.
I hug her but she disappears.

I'm out on a road, fields on either side. Dead looking trees on either side, no signs of life, the grass even looks dark, it's overcast out. I am walking I feel lost.
The road ends and there's just this dark slimey liquid.
Muddy, murky... sludgey, I have no idea what it is, almost thick like tar.
I get on my knees and look into it. I reach my hand in, like I'm going to pull something out?
I'm feeling around, Then I feel someone grab my hand.

They touch kind of examining with their fingers. I am breathing heavy, almost dry heaving, I feel sick to my stomach. I go to reach my hand back up because I'm feeling so... ill.
The hand grabs my hand, I feel scared as it pulls me in.
The sludge is no longer murky disgusting sludge, but water.
I am thankful for this, I can at least see. I am looking at a man I often have dreamt of, but I don't know him in waking life, he is only familiar to me through my dreams.

The water is making my hair wrap around me, he moves my hair from my face.
I stare into his eyes, they are bright green like mine, he takes my hands, I realize although we are in the water, we can breathe as though we weren't. I look up above to the water above me, where the sun is shining in, is wavy rays. He tells me that I' shouldn't be searching' for him, because 'that's not how fate works', we laugh. He puts his hand to my face and touches my third eye, I close my eyes and when I open them I'm in a clearing in the woods.
I laugh to myself, I know this place. I have dreamt of it before, (he is the same man that wouldn't let me see him before when I met him here in a dream I had a few months ago, he was just hiding in shadows previously)

I start walking toward a bridge I see.
I'm stopped by a young boy. I don't know him, he tells me to not leave him.
I reach down to take his hand, he digs his fingernails into my hand, he is hurting me.
My hand is bleeding, I look at him and his eyes are angry, full of hurt, they go from a light blue to dark grey, he pulls me to my knees, and he turns into a young man, he laughs at my pain.
He asks me if I'm happy now? Have I found what I'm looking for? He kicks dirt at me.
I get that sick feeling in my stomach again. I look him in the face as he stands above me, he has a giant happy smile, with sharp teeth.
I crawl to the bridge, but he keeps grabbing me dragging me back.
I feel a dark low, almost vibrating bass feeling drape over me almost like something else is trying to protect me from this young guy. I black out to wake up.

I run to the bathroom and throw up.

Every single time I whispered' I love you' before I fell asleep.
Is replaced with 'I'm sorry'