he'll burn as brightly at me and fill me with light when he comes

I seen someone who wasnt there several times today.

Once I could've swore he was behind me while i was on the computer, he made my cat walk into the other room.
next i saw a glimpse of a shadow pass from the kitchen to the living room, and keep feeling watched.
I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the person was so vivid I thought my boyfriend came from work early, I screamed out loud in startled me so bad. I went into the computer room, and sat there

Teal Hair and Blue Sheets.

I constantly feel like I'm missing something; like there's a step I skipped.
I feel paranoid, like someone is following so closely on my coat tails that they will switch places with me and take everything that I love.
Or that they were there first but were transparent and are trying to become more vivid than I am,
in my time of dreary colors and crawling away from things so they won't notice me slip out to make a new life.
I want something real to come from this, but my heart laughs in my face.
It opens up devours me and then vomits me out to let me look as pathetic as humanly possible.
He just looks at me.
I can never tell how he really feels about me.
I fear that I'm the only one feeling so strongly.
Wanting so much... looking forward.


You told me I could open up, just be myself.... and it's okay to be scared because falling in love is a risk.
I guess I just thought it was going to continue to be a two way road... not just me driving in circles, wondering.
Sometimes when I look you in the eyes I feel like I could give you the world.
And other times I feel like you're telling me to not bother. Those are the days I don't want to get out of bed.
I cover my head with the sheets to drown out the world, because what's the use in my having it, if I can't use it?

Black Cats & Loaded Gats,
Bringing bad luck with the Quickness
Lay down and inhabit with the sickness.
You were blinded by the "Lie"- it came so fast.
Crept in the night.
You know it aint right,
but your words don't come
cat got your tongue.
Lady Luck's failed voodoo,
who do?
You do.
Falling from the sky like the words of God.
Wait, it's just a dream.
Hearts may break, but thing's aren't what they seem.

-Saree Nemesis
feb 2010

Those words don't ever pass my lips... til Now.

L.
O.
V.
E.

Dream- "My Babies"

I had a dream that we were at my grandparents house for a holiday
dinner, it was winter, and me and boyfriend walked in and I was hugging
everyone, and then my old art teacher showed up.
And I was talking to
him about how I've been trying to draw more often,
and as I'm
talking to him I'm looking out a picture window, that in front of the
picture window outside is the driveway,
and then a railing and a
huge drop/cliff to the river next to the house.
The river is sort of
flooded right now, and the snow is crisp because no one dares to get
close to railing.

Well, I'm looking out and a car pulls out, a
guy gets out, he is dark haired and very tall, he has three little boys
with him.
A tiny toddler, maybe almost 2 years old in a blue and
yellow coat, he is tiny and you can only see his eyes because he is so
bundled up, then there's a little boy probably about 3 years in a grey
coat, he is hugging the tiny one to keep them warm,
and the tiny one
is crying, I assume because he is cold.
Then there is an older boy
about 4 or maybe even a small five year old in a red coat, he is talking to the dad,

and the dad isn't responding he is doing something in the trunk.
I
keep getting nervous cause there are tiny kids by the railing, and my
grandma never wanted me to go near it when I was little.

The dad
has this blank expression on his face, I'm using hand motions to talk to
my art teacher,
but I have no idea now if I was talking or just
watching mouth wide open...
The dad tries to pick up the two little
boys up, but the one slips out from his arm, he seems frustrated,
In
the dream I say "What the hell is that guy doing?!"
everyone turns
around to look, as he grasps the two younger boys by their collars of
their coats,
and he swings the tiniest one off the cliff into the
river.

My brain frantically goes slow motion as I'm screaming
tearing out of the house,
the only thought in my head is to shove
that guy off the cliff so he can't hurt the other two, I'm screaming
silently, I feel myself get hot with fear and anger.
I'm running in slow motion my body is shaking and my legs barely hit the ground I running so hard.
My grandpa runs to the
closet I hear a gun clicking while he loads it quickly,
I don't understand, is he going to shoot the guy?

but I'm
already running out the door across the yard hands out ready to shove,
my eyes have a sheild of tears, my mouth screaming silently still, I'm hysterical.
I'm thinking "my babies!"
I have no coat or shoes on, I don't
care.
I want that guy dead, I want to save the little boys that I keep associating with "My babies" (I don't have children yet) , I want to jump
in the river and find the other one.
My boyfriend grabs my sweater,
running behind me, he has to tackle me to the ground and stop me,
he
says without words that the guy is so big he could easily swing me over
the edge too,
I don't care I NEED to stop this, I'm shoving hard trying to get up
I'm
screaming in my dream to wake up.