Scuttle: to sink a vessel by cutting a hole in the hull (to ruin something by abandonment or sabotage)

I slept under layers of ice. Occasionally tapping my fingers in hopes of the thaw.
When realization struck that I was cocooned in this still, I turned to my side.
With each turn, spinning thread. Encased, and mummified until my hands could not reach.
Malnourished, my soul shriveled into the depths of me where the light would hide, beacon.
I waited for you. I waited for you, whispering our memories in exhales that still held so much hope.
Tears would occasionally crawl from my eyes, and crystallize on my cheeks.
My skin encrusted with prismatic jewels.

My hair grew, it faded from the depressed dark colors it had been.
For a long time stained red, from the blood I shed three new years before when I tried to find my way out with a bottle of gin and sharp knives in the bath tub.
Getting too realistic? Details fall in deaf ears.
Only surreal, soft visions catch eyes, glimpses.
I wasn't over the drowning stage of a failed baptism.
My eyes, crystal clear, you could see your reflection in them and swallowed that whole.
I have a knack for scrying in the dark, and showing others those visions... if you're open.

From red to pale yellow, reaching out like branches, snow swept.
The hibernation was hollowing me, I stopped calling.
I thought I were to succumb to the emptiness.
Instead I was woken by the soft pitter-patter of droplets, melt.
I moved viciously like a feral animal. A thirst inside that was to be satiated.
I'd find a way. I pulled thread by thread until my hands wriggled free.
I reached palm up to the iced over coffin.
Softly, the sound you can feel but not hear my hand moved ever so gently through.
Gasping in disbelieve stung, I was swallowing the water I had froze in.
Salt from tears and the sea, you never even came for me.

The sun beamed on my fresh face. I sprung to the top, light and buoyant from the starvation.
I let each wave destroy my frail body with a smile on my face.
The tides took advantage of me time after time again. I was so numb that wave after wave crashing into me, tearing my flesh, felt rejuvenating.
The gulls sounded their SOS for fresh meat when I washed ashore.
Pecks peeling layer after layer of salt skin.
You must have smelled it in the air, sent you running.
My eyes could have cut through even the darkest souls when I saw your face.

The complete disbelief, my audacity, to make it on my own.
No one knows how much I have survived and how many times I've been thrown in to that fucking ocean.
I could sail it with my eyes closed. O' Sailor, I'm calling down the moon.
Your boat to be rocked and you'll be regretting all too soon.
Keep the ropes tight, water's getting choppy, and her eyes burn.
You wanted to keep cargo, make sure she's dead before you let the ship sink, boy.
Oh ho, Ahoy. So surprised to see I didn't sink with the sirens.
I'm not the only one who gave up on keeping promises.

1/1/14

I'm ready

This New moon is going to devour me emotionally.
I'm going to let it.

Pry me open.
I have been begging for new beginnings.
I have been watching with wide eyes.
Be ready. Please, just be ready.

The lunar phases: pressure and then release.
I will succumb to the Super New Moon- in Capricorn.
I urge everyone to figure out how to use the tides to your advantage;
if you do there would be a whole lot less of hearts breaking, souls searching.

We all need an Awakening.

Am I ready?
Always.
Do I realize just how ready I have to be for this?
Absolutely.

Dreams of coloring my torso with blue and green crayons in a dim lit room.
Bathing a happy baby girl in a farm house style kitchen sink while a little cat over looked from a sun spot on the counter.
Then running through tall grass, the blades stinging my skin as they sliced my arms, hands and face, but I kept smiling and laughing as I ran.
When I looked down to see the blood had colored onto my body like the vein system you see demonstrations of in anatomy books.
I "heard" a piano, but actually just saw a glimpse of the keys.
I am thinking to myself that even in my sleep I think too much.

New Moon, Fire signs, 3 a.m.
Self evaluate. Reevaluate. Breathe.

Dear Moon,
Do your bidding.
If that is what is to be;
Should be...
Please.
Then let me...
Release.

I don't think you grasp the circumstances