I forget how hard I swam against the tide to get where I am now.
To unexpectedly meet you when I hit the shore.
Lifeless and out of breath. Waterlogged angels carried me.
I remember vividly watching the reflection of light on each bubble reach the surface.
Dark blues with golden accents.
How'd you get the invitation to my funeral?
Heard you whisper from a thousand decades away that 'if you come back to me...',
Felt your fingers in my hair.
My eyelashes felt as though they were cat tails when I tried to open.
The world had been pollinated with ideas that things were good, because we trudged through bad to get to better levels.
But each level looks like same when you're alone.
I spent so much time looking up that I hadn't realized how far we've climbed.
Pause.
This time I'll finally breathe. Breathe me in with you.
Let me rest on your chest and tell me again why it's worth it, not because I need convincing,
But because I love the way the light still shines in you.
-Saree McClaran
Monday, February 27, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Baptize
Wading out.
I've cast stone and spell to reach you.
Can you hear my voice still, rippling out.
Boney fingertips frozen just above the surface,
stolen pinks, flesh and rose water.
I've soiled her christening gown with sin.
He touches my forehead to push me down, but I'm already gasping for air.
Falling down the staircase, I've lost my footing.
Hole in the floor, swallow me, swallow me.
From your halo comes a glow that only the evil could fear.
I'm shaking as the rafters collapse.
The walls are crawling and I put my palms up.
Rabbits burrow inside me.
I used to run through fields alone.
Sliced skin on corn stalks, sun in my eyes.
I believed so fucking hard that I could be saved.
But you never came and I'm coughing up the algae.
Coax you down, I will.
Coax you down, I will.
Saree McClaran
I've cast stone and spell to reach you.
Can you hear my voice still, rippling out.
Boney fingertips frozen just above the surface,
stolen pinks, flesh and rose water.
I've soiled her christening gown with sin.
He touches my forehead to push me down, but I'm already gasping for air.
Falling down the staircase, I've lost my footing.
Hole in the floor, swallow me, swallow me.
From your halo comes a glow that only the evil could fear.
I'm shaking as the rafters collapse.
The walls are crawling and I put my palms up.
Rabbits burrow inside me.
I used to run through fields alone.
Sliced skin on corn stalks, sun in my eyes.
I believed so fucking hard that I could be saved.
But you never came and I'm coughing up the algae.
Coax you down, I will.
Coax you down, I will.
Saree McClaran
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Something Borrowed
You scream out like a sugar high.
With your palms to the ground we'll feel them cave in around us.
Keep calm they can smell you sweating from miles away.
There's a musty basement feeling to these emotions.
Dust me off or put me away.
Slice your ankles on the way up.
You're trailing glitter like a hand grenade.
With small slivers in your fingertips you touch my shaking skin.
Please don't pull away, the second I wake the light eats my eyes.
You eat me like the hounds I fear.
You fill me with a yearning.
Stars can't appease us when galaxies set fire to our bed.
The electric has been turned off and I'm freezing to death.
Floating upstream.
There are cat's eyes all on me.
Burning holes in the silk dress you bought for me.
Walk me down the aisle.
-Saree McClaran
With your palms to the ground we'll feel them cave in around us.
Keep calm they can smell you sweating from miles away.
There's a musty basement feeling to these emotions.
Dust me off or put me away.
Slice your ankles on the way up.
You're trailing glitter like a hand grenade.
With small slivers in your fingertips you touch my shaking skin.
Please don't pull away, the second I wake the light eats my eyes.
You eat me like the hounds I fear.
You fill me with a yearning.
Stars can't appease us when galaxies set fire to our bed.
The electric has been turned off and I'm freezing to death.
Floating upstream.
There are cat's eyes all on me.
Burning holes in the silk dress you bought for me.
Walk me down the aisle.
-Saree McClaran
Monday, February 6, 2012
Organs
There's a horrible frequency sound that keeps me up at night.
It's in my head. But it vibrates all the items off shelves, the tables and chairs shaking into the center of the room to collapse on to me.
The rattling is the same sound as chattering teeth while I shiver when you aren't near.
For just the hours in the dark alone, I scrape my fingernails against the wall as I try not to let go.
The floor pulls me down to lay, and in slow motion I see myself drifting up to the ceiling.
It's hard to feel, because I feel too much.
I've always been too easily affected by these vibrations, the voices, the soft pressing fingers of ghosts checking my pulse.
"She's still alive?" They whisper in surprise.
My soul tastes like foreign cakes, delicacy to those who can only taste buried placentas.
Wrap me in these light blue veins. Take me under, pull me through.
Are you strong enough to carry the burden of love? Don't be naive to the truth.
When I'm crawling away like a child exploring, my eyes are shut. Sleep walk.
Have you ever seen the reflection of her eyes on in a pitch dark room?
Mouth open to eat the thoughts right from your conscious.
I've stared her down, become her, and puked myself out.
This is where you find me. Encapsulated in embryo.
A prisoner of waves parted, waiting for these contractions to begin.
Her womb hardens to push me out of this cave.
Will my father catch me as I fall?
Will my mother cry when she looks in my eyes?
Is it fear or is it love? I'll learn with time, it'll always be both.
Pumping blue to meet with red.
-Saree McClaran Feb 2012
It's in my head. But it vibrates all the items off shelves, the tables and chairs shaking into the center of the room to collapse on to me.
The rattling is the same sound as chattering teeth while I shiver when you aren't near.
For just the hours in the dark alone, I scrape my fingernails against the wall as I try not to let go.
The floor pulls me down to lay, and in slow motion I see myself drifting up to the ceiling.
It's hard to feel, because I feel too much.
I've always been too easily affected by these vibrations, the voices, the soft pressing fingers of ghosts checking my pulse.
"She's still alive?" They whisper in surprise.
My soul tastes like foreign cakes, delicacy to those who can only taste buried placentas.
Wrap me in these light blue veins. Take me under, pull me through.
Are you strong enough to carry the burden of love? Don't be naive to the truth.
When I'm crawling away like a child exploring, my eyes are shut. Sleep walk.
Have you ever seen the reflection of her eyes on in a pitch dark room?
Mouth open to eat the thoughts right from your conscious.
I've stared her down, become her, and puked myself out.
This is where you find me. Encapsulated in embryo.
A prisoner of waves parted, waiting for these contractions to begin.
Her womb hardens to push me out of this cave.
Will my father catch me as I fall?
Will my mother cry when she looks in my eyes?
Is it fear or is it love? I'll learn with time, it'll always be both.
Pumping blue to meet with red.
-Saree McClaran Feb 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Dragon
People don't get offended by metaphors because in metaphors it's all on
how your mind identifies with it. If you're offended by it, then maybe
it's in your head.
When you're reading it your mind produces the images, the feelings, however you portray it is how it is inside you.
Sometimes the things inside you are too dark to even put creatively.
Sometimes if they aren't out, and brought to light then they'll grab your ankles and drag you down into the evil you've been warned of your whole life.
The year of the Dragon sure started out with a fucking bang. Proof we've been sitting in a water sign far too long. My hands are pruned from pulling myself above the water so many times that drowning myself has been the only way out. Sometimes my own weight becomes the fiercest enemy. I shake it off and I'm new.
But lately the shaking just spread the fears, seeps in through my veins like osmosis and Neptune's vibrations echo out to remind me that soon, may be too soon, but also may be too far away.
Where you get stuck in that corner of your mind between time that fills with static and anxiety.
Like a frightened cat hesitating those few seconds between the tires of the car, and your small child in the backseat who makes eye contact with the cat before you feel the bump.
Your heart sinks, you hear them holding their breath and pray to all that is holy they don't look behind the car.
Or when you've realized you ARE that child. You didn't need to look, your eyes filled with tears and the image of that cat meeting eyes with you is etched into your brain for the rest of your life.
Do you resent yourself for hitting the cat?
You ARE that cat. And the lights are blaring in your eyes. Blinded. You know it's over and are still. You can't stop whatever the thunder brings. You don't know the measurements between the wheels to avoid certain death. Your last image...
What is it?
Your mother? Your children? The Ocean's waves even if you've never seen them in person?
The way the wind creates ripples in the fresh snow the same way?
The brightest leaves blowing on your favorite warm day? The eyes of the last person you hurt?
The one you love crying cuddled up in bed holding on to your belongings?
Don't hesitate. Don't ever fucking hesitate.
Saree McClaran
When you're reading it your mind produces the images, the feelings, however you portray it is how it is inside you.
Sometimes the things inside you are too dark to even put creatively.
Sometimes if they aren't out, and brought to light then they'll grab your ankles and drag you down into the evil you've been warned of your whole life.
The year of the Dragon sure started out with a fucking bang. Proof we've been sitting in a water sign far too long. My hands are pruned from pulling myself above the water so many times that drowning myself has been the only way out. Sometimes my own weight becomes the fiercest enemy. I shake it off and I'm new.
But lately the shaking just spread the fears, seeps in through my veins like osmosis and Neptune's vibrations echo out to remind me that soon, may be too soon, but also may be too far away.
Where you get stuck in that corner of your mind between time that fills with static and anxiety.
Like a frightened cat hesitating those few seconds between the tires of the car, and your small child in the backseat who makes eye contact with the cat before you feel the bump.
Your heart sinks, you hear them holding their breath and pray to all that is holy they don't look behind the car.
Or when you've realized you ARE that child. You didn't need to look, your eyes filled with tears and the image of that cat meeting eyes with you is etched into your brain for the rest of your life.
Do you resent yourself for hitting the cat?
You ARE that cat. And the lights are blaring in your eyes. Blinded. You know it's over and are still. You can't stop whatever the thunder brings. You don't know the measurements between the wheels to avoid certain death. Your last image...
What is it?
Your mother? Your children? The Ocean's waves even if you've never seen them in person?
The way the wind creates ripples in the fresh snow the same way?
The brightest leaves blowing on your favorite warm day? The eyes of the last person you hurt?
The one you love crying cuddled up in bed holding on to your belongings?
Don't hesitate. Don't ever fucking hesitate.
Saree McClaran
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