Saree

I'm overly analytical of everything I do.
My head is far too full of thoughts, memories, ideas, randomized melodies, lyrics, images. I sometimes can't differentiate my actual thoughts, and the only way to de-clutter is to type and write it all away.

So... De-clutter initialized now. Begin. or End. Whatever it's to be seen as.
See it. Read it. Criticize it as much as I have.
Close the window with complete boredom.
Continue reading.

Not a fuck will be given.

-Saree McClaran

Dream: Dock-dead fish

My boyfriend and I are in some apartment-like building that has a dock that overlooks the sea.
I'm in the other room with his daughter, she is showing me all these aquarium full of frogs she has caught, and I look up and there's a little boy near the screen door that leads to the dock, I tell my bf to get him before he gets out there.
The little boy keeps saying "the fish are dying, look".
So I walk to the dock and watch as all these fish are surfacing, I feel panic and can't think.
The water starts to flood into the apartment and she is upset about her frogs. I close the doors but that doesn't stop the water, my bf is still holding the little boy, I can't think though, I can't stop feeling like we are going to drown. and I'm absolutely horrified.

I haven't posted in a ridiculously long time, no one reads this so it doesn't quite matter because these posts don't pertain to anyone but my own dream space...
But reading back entries and getting glimpses of dreams I remember having, that haven't yet been posted irritates me.


Also, my Moon releases and intention.
Guess, I've been too busy...
I need a separate blog for waking life nonsense to make up for the lack of information on this one.
Should I just combine?
hmm

Summer Soltice Art Show

Prophecies through dreams...
I'm Walking into a small door way I have to crouch down to get in.
An older gentleman is sitting, in one hand he is holding a necklace and in the other he is holding an antler. I am holding a leash, I am walking an alligator on it.
He asks if I am comfortable with my new Theology. I nod, but the only thought I can process is "Seven." I keep saying it to myself over and over again. "Seven... Seven... Seven..."
I sit indian style in front of the man. I can't see him very well, almost as though I'm looking through a filter.
He asks which hand I would choose from. I point to the antler.
He nods, and says "Beauty is Passion." I take the antler and attach it to my head. I turn to leave through the small door, but I am outside.
In the woods, I look down at the alligator, it's bright red, and has almost human eyes. I look up and there is a meteor shower, it looks like a million crystals spilled out on a blue velvet curtain.

I remember wading in the stagnant paralysis; of unknowing which way to swim. When you tip toe over rocks to lose your footing on the mossy undergrowth of what you've renamed "fear". You forget how quickly the water moves, how quickly life passes you by, and how you learn to hold your breath longer than physically possible while you entrance yourself into the spiritual realm of "not letting go" of what you need, but dispersing not just items of non- necessity, but also of people.
I release the hand of those who will not help themselves. Not because I want to, but because I have to. I release being the outlet of negativity for those people and the darkness that dwells inside themselves.
I too know that place, I used to live there; but for entirely different reasons.
My self hatred was because I loved too deeply. I'm turning that around. Spiraling through this waterfall of self discovery. I can now love myself.