Rabid release

It felt like pulling teeth. I dragged you across years, the time frame was off.
My watch had broke before I even met you.
I had a destiny etched into my hand that I kept hidden.
reaching out and shaking hands I oft met smooth handed individuals.
That doesn't mean they didn't have stories, it just meant that theirs no longer created friction with mine, without friction meant to be without growth.
I released you and momentarily you stood still, I waved hands that quickly sewed up little pillow clouds.
I can't let it go, I can't do that, to someone.
I closed each time I watched you gnash, rabidly sneering my name, side glancing at me, to make sure you could watch my reaction to you tearing me in every god damn direction.
I bit my lip, I nodded to let you know.
Within moments you'd be circling me, coaxing, kicking up dust I'd spent my time calming.
My breathing heavy, my eyes heavy, my magic felt darkened.
I would swallow down handfuls of opportunities to defend myself my actions, my integrity.
Until they started to notice how my brow was at a furrow that fake smiles couldn't cover.
What is going on? I thought...
Like throwing sparklers to the ground, each neon ember to catch fire to the words you spoke badly.
they held my head to make me count all the times.
Who was there to comfort now, these burns, my hands putting out each flames, making excuses for you, for us.
I took the smoke and cleansed myself, my being, my surroundings.
In two weeks time I'll come to a clearing.
until then....

S.M.
jan 15

dream- prompted response

she was in my grandpa's chair, the room looked like it did when i was really little.
i went to the back room behind the kitchen but the kitchen was dark, i was always afraid to go in there when it was night time because i saw a half cat/wolf half man creature standing there staring at me, my grandpa never quite believed me, admittedly at least.
instead the room was a hall.
it was yellow and rounded on top like a tunnel, I stared walking down it looking for something or some one. she was standing in front of the door, knocking down crystals off the ceiling and threshold.
it reminded me of glimmering teeth being smash out of mouth, instead of blood glitter flaked down.
i asked her to move because i couldn't get out the back door into the garden.
she kept fighting me and pushing me back while smiling, i couldn't tell if she was mad, or joking, or just being mean to me.
i don't think she could either.
i remembered being in the backyard, it was an actual memory in my dream, the sun was going down so the sky was very bright oranges, i had just been watching ants scramble around all over peonies.
there was a pale yellow caterpillar with black spikeys, it looked very soft.
before i was able to reach down to pet it my grandpa ran over frantically yanking me away from it.
i thought he was being mean and he scared me.
he never told me why she would hurt me, why she would stab me in the back until the wounds were like spikes sinking into tender marinated meat.
he hair was down to the floor and her mouth was pouring out clumps of sand.
you can not do this i kept saying to her
you need to get out of my dream
you do not belong in this part of my life
you are blocking positivity from coming to me
i am not weak to you anymore
i was crying a lot and the room looked brighter pink now. i kept walking down the hall until i was outside, there was this little plastic gardening tool i got in a happy meal that came with a packet of cucumbers.
I held the seeds in my hand and felt nice that they were still there after all these years i put the packet in my pocket.

and woke up.

Pealing the Full moon like a ripe fruit.
I'll take my chances.
Dripping gold through sticky fingers, stay poised.
Dismantled with silence.
Who knew you were so easy.
Laid out remains of time borrowed like spare change fallen from holes in pockets.
Shooting stars.

closet portal

We are the recycled children. Allah reincarnate.
Disperse then pray. Cawing like crows they shoo us away.
My time is not free, but you take as you like.
Sell myself short to get out of your clutch.
Slipping through fingers, and out the back door.
She is on her knees begging and They are rolling their eyes.
There are only so many times you repeat the same lies.
A friend is a foe and faux furred coat can still trick the blind.
Your lucky rabbits foot hasn't brought you much luck.

Looking through crystals but not to yourself.
How can you expect these hands to give you much help?
Instead I am praying you find your own way.
Out of mine for that matter because you're mad as the hatter and I haven't much time.
Not to give you because you've wasted so much.
Out of my way girl, it's time for my lunch.

Filling up bowl upon bowl of the lies that you've fed, Forced and pulled my hair down.
Cried and tried to draw the moon down.
Not by my magic, white and black can both play, but if not nicely than back to your rooms.
The curfews put out to keep you at bay.
Into your beds with Sleepy heads and a fever to tell all of your glittering sadness to any ears that burn hearing you purging their name.
Retching and writhing the darkness inside, instead saddles your back to take a nice ride.
And by nice I mean not for you in the least, but those who've hurt in the palms you have creased.
I told you to go when I banished you out.
Saged you and forgave you, and went on my way.
But here you are still asking them to pray.
Blessings and sweet with wilting flowers crowning your head.
This is the last time, I put you to bed.

S.M.