Every single time I whispered' I love you' before I fell asleep.
Is replaced with 'I'm sorry'

Full Moon: Intention (April 28)

I release my fear to move forward.

Dream: "Not Yet"

I'm out in a large open field, I remember seeing pussy willows and the rest was a golden yellow and bright beautiful fresh green. I'm wearing a brown dress, it's warm, I am crouching, I'm watching for something, but I can tell what it is.
I have a knife in my hand, and I'm 'hunting' (in waking life I do not eat meat or seafood etc).
There is a flash in the sky, heat lightening I think? Suddenly I'm stalking a guy, I can't see who he is, he is wearing a long peacoat with a hood and not facing my direction. I'm about 8 ft away I'd estimate. He starts walking backwards toward me, but it's very slow seeming. He gets about 4 ft away and turns so he facing me, he doesn't look at me though, but I see the light reflect off my knife onto his face.
I stand up, I feel weird, almost like I have motion sickness. We stare each other down, I'm holding my knife so tight my hand aches. I feel he is as scared as I am.
He says "Not yet" and I wake up feeling empty and lonely

Dream: "Ever"

I was driving a small blue car (in waking life I do not drive) it was night time, and there were white christmas lights on the tree, for decorations, they were illuminating the road in front of me, it was really lovely. My male ( I do not knoew, but did in my dream) was in the passenger seat. We pull into a drive way, it's one of the kind where it's shaped like a 'U' to leave, and surrounding it were those trees that look like mini pink willow trees. Everything smelled sweet like summer, cherry blossoms, and fresh cut grass.

I get out of the car, I'm extremely excited and know this is my 'home' in the dream. We walk inside and it's 'our house' not just mine. I run into the hall, and open a door quietly. The room has a dim set of christmas lights hanging from the wall, and on the wall is painted beautifully purple and pink clouds at sunset, I know in the dream that I painted this. The room smells like fresh cut lilacs.

In the center by the window is a crib, with a tiny little girl. She is standing, holding the side.
She has a huge grin on her face, her mouth is tiny and pink, and she has long beautiful eyelashes and bright blue happy eyes. Her hair is so soft, and darkish blonde, she reaches up and I know she our daughter. (I dream about a daughter a lot, I assume this represents a repressed child self, possibly?)
She reaches to him, though I'm holding her and makes a fist then lays her hand on his and says 'Ever'.

Everything is kind of choppy for a second, then I walk into the other room with her, the light is off, and there is a really big fish aquarium, it's light is on, making everything in the room, kind of blue.
Everything is calm. My 'daughter' points at the kitten that run into the room and she squeals excitedly 'Meeeeee-ow!!!"

Spring has Sprung. I've been born for the 23rd time.

I'm fully aware that nothing is as they seem, being so, I wish more people would put that in consideration when giving other people advice on how to live their lives, and what pace they should be living at.

I like to believe at 23, my life is not even one 4th over yet.
I have years to decide if the things I choose are indecisions... or choices that have increased my chances in being successful in the things that I strive for.

I'm not looking for love, peace, wealth. I'm looking for answers.
I'm on a mission.... and no one will be conducting this orchestrial catastrophe but me.

New Moon: Intention ( April 14th)

I am more intune to soul's need.

Dream: Burn, Drown, Run Free

Dream from two nights ago, I'm walking my hands are tied in front of me, I look over to my side. I'm with two other girls and my mom. We all have our hands tied in front of us, we look like we've been beat, messed up hair, legs are covered in bruises, blood. I'm wearing a dingy off white dress. It looks like it would've been a lovely summer dress but it's tattered, and covered in filth. My eyes sting from smoke.

I look over to my mom (my real mother in waking life is Yvee W) she is strong willed, and her eyes look forward, she looks over at me, and suddenly her eyes fill with tears. A man grabs her from me and drags her to a stake, to burn her they tie her up and make us three girls watch. My mother stares at me, I feel her giving me her strength, and letting go of this world. I hear someone yell that we are witches. The other girls are sobbing in fear, but my mother gave my her strength, I feel it's not a time to cry.

I look over and see a guy, my age, possibly a bit older staring at me, he has very bright greenish-blue eyes, he is wearing a dark robe and takes his hood off so that I can see him. The two girls and I are walked, more like dragged to the water's edge.
I feel these girls are my sisters, and I'm the youngest. I look at the water, it's black, and doesn't look like water. A man pushes my "sisters" in, they can't swim and are drowning, bobbing up and down gasping, they were still tied.
They turn into young girls and dissolve into the water.

They guy in the dark robe comes to me, he grasps my face and kisses me on the mouth. He has been my lover I feel. I kiss him back. I feel done, with all of this. He cuts the ropes off my hands, I see relief in his eyes. My eyes finally well up with tears, he lets go of my hands, and I know to run, as fast as I can. I am runing, but it is in slow motion, I feel my feet hitting the grass.

I turn back as I'm still running, I'm yards away. I see the man in the robe still staring at me and people rushing to him, they are going to kill him as well. He mouths to me something that I can't see, and closes his eyes, he disappears as though he were never there.

I'm running to my 'home' in the woods. I turn into a bird, I can't tell what kind of bird though. I still feel like I'm running, just through the trees, I go into a tree, and down the bottom, like a hidden compartment. I hop (bird still) into the entrance. There is a young girl, possibly 7 or 8. She has very long reddish hair and no clothes. (she looks like my waking-life mother when she was young) She picks me up I feel like she IS my mother, and I turn into a little grey and white rabbit. She kisses me on the forehead, I feel very safe, and happy, and new. We curl up in our tree-cubbyhole and fall asleep.

Overflowing.

Dream: Mirror Girl

I'm sitting outside it's dark out, the kind of dark where the sky looks like dark denim and it's dazzled by glitter for the stars. I'm smiling, I have a rosary in one hand (in waking life I have never been in a household with religion growing up, but have a fascination with religious paraphenalia) and I have a purple candle in the other hand, the wick is lit, and the wax is dripping down my hand, down my wrist, but I'm not concerned. I'm lying in the grass and put the candle and rosary down on a flat stone next to me. I see a girl (my age, maybe a few years older) standing in a clearing near the edge of the woods. I stand up and walk toward her, she crouches down, she's wearing a mirror around her neck, and nothing else it's getting light out, and I can see the reflection of the sun in the mirror behind me. I put my hand out to her to let her know she doesn't need to be afraid of me. She has dark hair, it's half up, half down, she has little silver ornaments in it, she has eyes like mine, but her face is more cat-like.
She stands up, closes her eyes puts her face to the sky and grasps my wrists.
Without words she tells me to look into the mirror. I do. My hair is wavy, long, red and blonde, my eyes are done up with really pretty make and I have a green painted line under my eyes and over the bridge of my nose and a long dark blue cloak on. She takes my hands and puts them palm up. in one hand she puts a little yellow crystal, possibly Topaz? and in the other hand she puts a cup of water and tells me to drink it.
I do, she nods. She talks, but I can't really hear her, it's more like her words go right into my mind instead.
"You're preparing, You are going to have to keep up. I'm here because you called to me" She smiles, and touches my face, then takes one of the silver ornaments from her hair and clips in to my hair. The sun is casting shadows all over and peering through the trees, she says "Follow" and starts running I follow her, we are quick, and on a mission...

Dream: Stop the car!

It's early, the sun is rising and the sky is painted by the sun. I'm admiring how the orange compliments the bright green grass. I'm excited Spring has sprung.
I'm sitting in the grass, it's moist and dewey when I breathe a faint cloud forms.
I look down and my hands look like I've dipped them in green paint.
I stand up everywhere the grass touched is covered in green paint. I laugh and shrug it off. I'm walking on a long road, I have no idea where I am, but I don't feel confused or lost. I feel quite content.
A car is coming from behind me, they drive by me really slow, I look in the window it's a man, I don't know him. He stops the car and shouts for me to get in he needs to take me some place safe.
He says it's going to start raining. I get in.
In the backseat is a little blonde girl, with wavy hair and bright big happy eyes she gets antsy and wiggles about in her seat and says, "Why were you outside Mommy? Don't you want to be home with us?" I look over at the man driving. He has a wedding ring on. I look at my hand and it's the same ring that I'm wearing.
I think to myself I'm married? Why don't I know my own husband....
I crawl over the seat to get in the back with my 'daughter' she is playing cat's cradle with rainbow colors of string, I pull the strings how she tells me to.
She asks me "Why do you always walk?"
I just kind of laugh, I feel like I love her a lot, I hug her and she lays her head on my lap. I play with her hair.
The man driving starts to drive off a bank into a lake. (I have had this type of dream before, countless amounts of times)
I close my eyes for a moment and collect my thoughts, I know it'll be fast, I know I have to BE fast. I hurry and unhook my daughter's seatbelt, she's sleeping, I didn't ever fasten mine.
I tell my 'husband' please stop the car, please don't do this again.
He is silent and into the water he drives, it's almost in slow motion.
I am holding her so tight I can't open the door yet, something stops me, I feel myself crying.
But I have to be strong for her, I don't know how to swim. But I will swim to keep her alive.
She is my heart. I kick the door open, the water swallows us, I hold my breath and push off the car, the sun is bright and bubbles are escaping my nose, I push her to the surface, she's awake I hear her "Mommy come up now! Hurry " I feel weak, she's swimming to the shore, I can't breathe, I keep losing myself and letting myself go under, I know she's safe.
That's all that mattered.

I wake up, gasping.

He came back one day, and told me stories that I now Dream of...

Someday we'll only be able to meet in dreams.