i'm too gullible.

i hand people knives to stab me with.

then i wash them. reuse.

i'm bleeding

I should have posted them all when they were written.

All my truths.

Kept in digital filing cabinets.

architect- May 7th

silently watching the way your eyes move when you lie to me
and how your pupils expand when you realize that my heart belongs to you either way
you build me back up
brushing your hand along my face
then my shoulder, my sides, my hips
you lift my chin with your index finger
thumb across my lips
I close my eyes tight
half awaiting your kiss, half hoping I disappear with
the heartache that comes within the next days as you like to drift away
strings on a kite
you keep saying you love me
you keep fucking with my head
i hope you can still smell my scent in your bed
months from now when I no longer return 
you'll have to rip yourself apart to find the traces left of me
hidden in your heart, is this where it all falls
i'm kicking down towers
i'm calling your name

I placed all of the wildflowers into a ring.

April 2016.

I think too highly of people. I create worlds for them,

weave them webs.

Then carefully place food down to nourish them.

I pet their hair and kiss foreheads goodnight.

I pull down stars and I protect with every fiber of my being.

I stand strong when they lash out, I hold their arms as they slice my chest open.

I stare into eyes that glaze over to keep me out.

I speak truths,

I

reinvented

time

For You.

To repay me your mouth on her mouth and a fire fades,

it rebuilds itself into something greater as I toss my ego inside.

I kicked down every single fucking wall to find you hiding,

whispering lies and you still come inside me.

I light a handful of candles to guide the truth to me.

You are everything you promised not to be.

Shaking in my stomach, and my blood is poison.

That I will purge from my wrists to fucking drown you in.

Trust broken is only earned back.

My watch is no longer yours to use,

stuck in time.

050316

Dreams of standing in a hall full of glass doors being instructed to be the one to ask others what sacrifices they are ready to make as I watch blue and green lights rise out from them into a large sack I am carrying.
I reach the end of the doors and am met with a small child taking a bath in a magenta clawfoot tub.
She is happy, her hair is long, she climbs out and stares into a mirror, she hands me a pair of scissors. I take her and cut her hair to above her shoulders.
The hair removed turns to thorn bushes on the floor.
My hands and bleeding.
She opens the sack I was filling and pours the blue and green into the bathtub. It glows and she instructs me into the tub.
I shake my head no and tell her "these are not my sacrifices."
She shakes her head yes.
I hesitantly climb in, clothed my dress is weighed down though its not wet. I lay in the tub and absorb. The little girl pulls the drain and as the colors spiral down it also suck the dress off of me in fragments.
I am sitting the tub nude and an older woman comes into the room.
She is smiling and feels warm.
She has scissors in her hands, she reaches over and touches my cheek as she cuts my hair.
I feel like I am filled with buzzing sounds.
I run to the mirror, I'm about six years old.

I feel the child is a representation of parts of my past that I am finally able to cleanse myself from. I feel the older woman is my wisdom.

Change your attitude= Change your life.
With the summer winds rising, we are on a brighter axis, there is no place left as shadow to hide or dwell.
It's time to face ourselves head on.
Let any and all issues surface and then purge them into the New moon in cancer, and if that is not your belief, then just purge your fears into the oceans.
Lean your head on the shoulders of those you love and know we are ALL on the same side.
Reflect on all aspects of things you may be neglecting and take your watering can and love the hell out of each other.
Water me. Water us.
Everything will be illuminated soon by the summer sun.
The manic passage.
This is a call out, a white flag, recognize others for their flaws but their virtues that have come from them.
Drop your ego and watch how quickly you begin to transcend.
Heal.
Love.

SM