dream hidden rooms, pink bathroom

Another dream about a new house.
I was going through this house that needed to be updated a bit, but has a lot of intricate details and all these hidden rooms.
My bf and I kept walking into a room, to find another door that lead to a brand new room, the colors of the rooms were bright, green bedrooms, blue wall papers, then a bright pink bathroom, my bf goes "it looks like a raspberry exploded." it reminded me of a lipstick my grandma used to wear, which made me think of this one sweater she used to wear, that reminds me of this windbreaker shirt thing my boyfriend has and I kept laughing.
Standing in this bright pink bathroom that was falling apart around us laughing hysterically.
We started running out of the rooms as if the house were about to crumble, parts of it were transparent and we could see outside but it wasn't seeing through windows, it just kind of started disappearing.
He took my hand and told me to run faster, it felt urgent but we kept laughing.
Next I know we were outside and standing outside a garage.
I told him "I like the way garages smell, its one of my favorites." and he replied "that's why you like me."
I looked up just as the garage door came down and smacked me in the head.
I fell down and suddenly we were sitting on the floor in the pink bathroom again.
He was holding my hand and said "this isn't our house I think we should go."
I said "I know, but I miss this one." then woke up.

oranges and new kitchens- dream

I had a dream I was moving into a beautiful new home with Rory, he was sitting in a chair eating an orange.
It was on a hill surrounded by beautiful trees and fields. It felt peaceful.
There was a small island in the kitchen that was also the kitchen table.
It had large windows with lots on natural light. I looked out the window and Rory was standing too close the the edge of the hill, but my boyfriend grabbed him and put him on a little patio that was in the back yard.
I looked on the floor and Rory has smooshed the orange into the carpet, I thought "yep... we live here."

I'm too "overwhelming".
I'm too "sensitive."
I feel too much.
I used to feel too little.
I used to be the one that wasn't reciprocating correctly.
I used to love someone that would seek love everywhere but from me.
Soaking into the sheets of several lovers.
Then I loved someone with walls so high that I fell too many times trying to climb them,
I loved so fucking hard that it almost killed me.
I lost myself that year.
Then I loved someone who gave me a reason to live,
but things don't always work out that way.
I realized through loving them how closed I had become.
This taught me the differences of Loving, and Love, and being IN Love.
I found myself and decided to live my life for me, and for my child.
I find myself in the struggle.
I examine myself and open.
I've lived lifetimes within a lifetime.
I believe you when you say I'm overwhelming because I am overwhelmed.
My feelings flow so fucking deeply that I root myself into this world with a fierceness that sometimes intimidates others.
My heart has opened so big that it envelopes over those that I bring near me.
I become protective.
That is my nature.
I've poured protective salt over any and all negativity,
forgetting that sometimes in order to thrive others need to relapse into survival mode.
That's where we are found, finding.
Ourselves and each other.
I'm in.
I'm patient.
Take your time, love.

Transition. Ready when you are. Savor this evolution of being. Modus Operandi.

Carried

Like crushed diamonds glittering over her,
she glows just for you.
In a way only you have ever done,
breathing in fresh mornings.
The misty thickness rolling through fields and open arms to fall in to.
Like scattered leaves where children jump.
I carry hope.
Its more than most can say.
Waking in his hands that hold.
Love seeps in
and I carry hope.

S.M.
031016

Mother of Suns

Like a fucking Phoenix.
I birth the suns.
I set flame and I create the waves.
A queen of queens.
If you want to sacrifice your sanity for what which is no longer,
be my guest.
The sharpest of daggers slicing into your chest.
Blood pacts that the only enemy you make is your own.
The more air you will lose depends your grip,
Cutting holes in your little paper ship.
Bubbling floods, the kind that prophets will fear.
In your ear as you sleep, it's whispering "near."
I'll call them in like wolves in the woods,
and the howling dreams.
It's all as simple as it seems.
You want circles, I'll draw them ten fold,
Quarantined.
Harm none.
Unseen.
Dear Gods of the North, East, South and West,
ill thoughts, exploitation, paper or speech,
Put it to rest.
Little girls don't know what they do.
Swept up with a broom and we're laughing,
"Just Shoo!!!"

S.M
030916

Snake charmer

Venom- fang, injected, a soft bite that stings,
a strange force of toxic movement into your blood stream.
I gently place my mouth on your wounds.
Run the risk of swallowing too much.
I trace my fingers lightly over your past.
If infection spreads, I will heal you.
My hand is your hand, and we reach,
to places where safety remains.
Where light will always be,
Antidote.
Shining through me into you, vice versa.
My hands pulling you in, over, wrap you up in warmth.
Mouths that meet then the magic we continue to create.
Vortex of time and we warp out of thought.
The soft beating of your blushing heart.
Rhythmic lulling.
Encased between fleshy layers that I'm sworn to protect.
Candles lit and winds that sway,
Carrying love to where it stays.
Hidden in caverns, surrounded by trees.
You're safe here love, stay with me.

030816
S.M.

She spread her self like the branches of sprawling trees,
Let the spring air soak through into me.
Fresh breath, one step.
Let me be a revitalization into your being and encompass me.
The grass grasping for rays of light.
Things you never notice when you only crawl out at night.

Marco Polo

My body shook.
I went from this buzzing feeling radiating through me,
my abdomen filling with hot dust that swirled quickly until my insides had motion sickness.
Flushed then running cold through my blood.
Her words, her fucking words replaying.

You put your heart in willingly,
gift wrapped, pretty little bow,
and slices it while staring you in the eyes.
Lies.

You've recoiled so deeply that you are rummaging in thoughts.
My heart is running so fast, its running through forests,
snagging on branches and bleeding fucking everywhere.
I'm ravaging in the soil, pulling grass from its roots.
I'm tearing into myself and I will make sure that you'll know why every time you are in the every where that my soul belongs.
You will taste everything you are doing that I pretend to be blind to.

I lost enough blood this year already.
Bleeding a birthless labor, climbing up walls alone, legs that wouldn't move and stones in my abdomen.
I bled it all out for you, and you turn around and show me why.

I'll set fire to her bed.
I'll set fire to her bed.
I'll set fire to her bed.

As I come up for air.