Conjured.
The wilted flower's a disguise.
Vibrant buds emerged,
casting their tender new bodies into the wind.
Her delicate frame reaching to the stars.
Lift me there.
Us.
I collect them softly,
I glitter them on streets and in hair,
on eyelashes and in wombs.
I create.
Because I know how.
This magic has passed inside of me for lifetimes.
You're lucky to feel the grasp.
To breathe it in.
The wafting scent of lilies in the Spring.
You'll have to wait for such a thing.
It comes like the soft quiet keys on the piano before we move into a full song.
Carried on whiskers of silhouetted cats,
That follow through night and wear many hats.
Shape shift to doves, that bathe in the dust.
The magic is inside, cast out if it must.
It travels in winds and the exhaling of our lovers.
It passes from our fingertips, to our lips.
We devour, we fever, then Cleanse.
Shining on stained glass.
A spectrum and our heart beats.
A soft rhythm, that builds like a drum before we follow into battle.
Laying in fields and what have we done?
Planted flowers,
Scattering stars like the seeds.
Digging my hands into dirt.
I am of the earth, where I bask in the moon.
I water this life, I bring the monsoon.
I call to the birds, that fly as they may.
I am She, the Sun who provides you each day.

-S.M.
123115

A wall you never knew existed is about to be removed.
Prepare accordingly.
Everywhere the light will reach, Exposed.
I see all. Be All.
Entrusting. Engulfed.
Coming in Full Moon Bright.
Bring on the Solstice night.

Coven cast,
better run fast.
The new moon set, by full moon we purge.
Out of luck. I've seen your eyes,
Emerald tears, I've severed your ties.
As I walk down the path a force of fire will rise.
In the tides now and I'm making songs from these waves,
those chains that hold are man made by whims of slaves.
Lay one finger and torrential rains rush in.
Dead in your tracks before you even begin.
The stones are now set. Strategically placed.
I sit in the corner, my fingers are laced.
And Beware. and Beware.
Cut like a lock of your hair.
Hunting witches,
we either grant or ruin false wishes.
Once given power I'm the one that can diminish it still.
Dare take from my soul, In return I take as I will.
S.M.
121315

You

Magnetized consumption.
Strings of glitter pouring from our mouths.
In drinks of blue, when I invited you inside, you knew.
Between our soft touch, all consuming love.
When eyes meet, and hearts fleet.
When the air is cold and burns my pale face,
you reach down to pull me back into place.
The sky is clear and I'm encompassed by stars,
Spilling out on sheets, hands roam,
these softened scars.
A place called home.

120715
S.M.

"The last wish is yours"

Manic imbalances.
Sea swept.
Open hands.
I'm drawing my circle. I'm drawing it in white.
With closeness: I only bring in light.
Casting spells with shells,
quietly from the tops of mountains.
Through these hilly paths, I met you.
Tree tops:
The song they carry, the song we sing.
With an echoing drum.
Pulses race. What's done can not be undone.
Forward fall.
Blowing wishes from frozen flowers.
Holding feathers to the wind.
Hush now, baby, we'll sleep until spring.
Utilize the half moon.
Follow my light, I'll carry your love, dear.
Because I never lose sight.

S.M.

Armed

I am all.
I can have everything I want because everything is inside me.
I will my own way into realities.
I own everything I am.
No one can penetrate through the cool lights I emit, I surround myself and those I love.
I draw energy into myself to filter through as protection.
Protect.
Mother may I, blessed by moon and sea.
Carry through into me.
If tried by any, shell shock.
I'm armed to teeth, been doing this for centuries.
It is.

Take Heed

You've over stepped your boundaries, baby doll.
The bond that broke,
will not and can not be mended.
What is done, is done.
What is done, has ended.
Bite the hands that feed,
not this time, Warning: take heed.
Spells that banish,
memories that vanish.
All you are is not what you were,
and we are not living this way.
You've disturbed my safety,
for that it's safe to say,
Your time is up.
Cast soon,
By the time we reach the full moon.
Embrace, White light,
Soft snow, Outta sight.
Little birds will take flight.

S.M.

What the world really needs right now is Love and Light and positive reinforcement that we ARE in this together.
No matter your beliefs, no matter your religions, your heritages, what we've been taught.
What we need to do is FEEL.
People forget how to do this as they age, and then as they keep aging, they remember how again- if they are lucky enough.
We close doors to open them, later, and we open doors that we need to teach ourselves to close.
Right now we need to pry the door open to Peace.
To the feeling that can radiate from each of us, Hope.
We are all fighting this battle, and it is exhausting.
Keep your hands open, do not make a fist unless it is to symbolize solidarity with one another.
Life is what we make it, but our making does and will affect those around us.
Spread Love.
Seek Peace.
Please.

S.M.

If I knew

If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't be able to tell you it's going to be alright.
But it is; You're gonna make it.
You're stronger than you know right now.
I know you're capable because I was too.
I know that you are smart enough to know that this struggle is worth it because I watch you turn your tragedies into art.
I do these things as well.
I'm susceptible of wearing my heart on my sleeve so that when it snags,
it bleeds, there are trails all over to where I've been.
Each path is meticulously groomed into something more beautiful than it was before I decide to leave.

That is where I've gained strength in my multi-faceted auras.
I watch you grow here too, learning to emit your light.
I see you collapsing into thoughts then you gracefully let them transform into words,
you can't speak them because once your small lips part the words trail up like smoke and you can only communicate with eyes that have seen more lives than the ones we currently lead.
If I knew then what I know now, I'd still decide to take the same path.
Not because I do know now, but because it's given me the clarity I was seeking.
It's softened me, it's opened my hands.
It's given me a voice without speaking.
It's closed my eyes to make me truly see.

If I knew then... what I know now. I couldn't tell you to hold on.
I can't tell you how, or why, or when it'll come.
I can just remind you that it will get better.
You'll move beyond this and transcend beautifully.
Because that is what our kind do. Turn this into art.
Pour glitter from your fingertips and let metaphors leap from your lips.

S.M.
110515

Everything. You. Are.

I am becoming aware and utilizing my realizations, my emotions,
my deeper feeling inner-self hopefully appropriately by embracing myself instead of fighting myself.
Make sure you allot yourself enough alone time to fully submerge into your thoughts.
You're allowed to analyze your feelings, your thoughts, your actions.
You're allowed to question your being because that is where you may find your unraveling pieces.
Do not pull them in, do not collect yourself; instead follow them.

Let your strings get snagged on people you love; strangers.
Let them pull you and open you, let yourself travel in pockets,
let yourself make homes in nests, reflect there.
Hanging from trees unburdened.
Speak through falling leaves.
Float on warm breath during cold evenings
and the sighs in between kissing your lover.
Cling to held hands and on the eyelashes of smiling children.
Breathe in what you've analyzed.
Examine what you've picked apart and only keep the pieces that will continue to be beneficial to your relationship with yourself and your future self.

Let the rest pour out.
Lend your hand when you see others doing the same as they recognize their own journeys.
Every thing will be alright.
Not because you want it to be,
but because everything becomes something and that is better than nothing.
Keep moving forward.
You are needed. Embrace yourself.

-S.M.
102715

Now

The leaves perform their wardrobe changes,
the air is crisp with subtle bouts of heat wafting throughout,
the warm sun happily beaming down;
crunchy, softening grounds.
Everything riddled with unexplained nostalgia.
But October... oh October.
The thinning of the veil.
You have no idea how desperately you appreciate life until you have sat in awe of how astounding it is as it passes to the other side.
Recycled souls.
Life starts now.
Autumn is our chrysalis,
encased in kaleidoscopic layers,
whirring through our wintered cocoon.
I'll see you come Spring,
delicately spread out and collecting varieties of dripping nectar.
It's time to hibernate.
Collect your nettled leaves,
hold us close to keep us safe.

S.M.
100115

"You're Magic"

Bewitched betwixt blessed and begotten.
She wraps around like a soft silken snake.
Crawling as one does when they forget to stand.
There's a comfort in the sand, the warm then cold,
lapping water onto your skin.
The scent, sea wafted, reflected in those eyes,
I stare.
I stare.
I stare.
Endlessly tangling into oneself, ourselves, then at dawn I find you, sitting still.
How you dare, to reach the way you do when I was running.
Tripped me up to pull me in, to coax me close.
I come.

Searching our magic minds,
your frequency shining through, in that way you do.
Whispering rattles from the tails that shake.
The walls fall down like leaves we rake.
Sun casting spells on silver shells, handfuls of hair and she meets you there.
Mouths touch and it means this much, the way you do.
And we come through because we're meant to.
Moon maidens riding the storms and the clouds rippled like fine feathers we'll fly on.
The ocean howled with echoing waves, she's on her axis, soft thighs giving birth to a new universe that had been settling for quite some time on the hazy morning beach.
Our hands reach into the glittering sea.
Come into me.

09012015

S.M.

Certain things

Certain things are just that.
Encircled with your casted salt.
Sweeping motions, down to up.
Re-threading ribbons with intentions attached.
Right hand always, left hand release.
Dancing flames nipping at the moon's deep glow.
You always wondered,
But now you know.

I bring you in and I bring you close.
Tended wings, rest now with your sleepy head.
What we have will wake the dead.
Shake your core from inside out.
Dripping, honey sweet.
Summer's heat to Winter's cold.
Only witches know the names of that which is the ever old.
Certain things, just that, they always are.
On a hanging moon, we caught fire from a billowing star.

Climbing down and keeping pace.
Within marble stone we've carved our place.
Certain things and the way they are...
Remind me of the first time,
Life times ago where our fingers first laced.
The four fold collapse and now
We walk free among this.
Tested time and it all tastes like recreated Déjà vu.
I look over, and it's always been you.

S.M.
9282015

Happy Autumn Equinox.

Focus your energies in the right areas, on the right people.
Don't let worries take up so much head space.
Remember to practice self care. Be true to your higher self.
You matter to more people than you realize.
Call home more often.
Someone may be watching you struggle and thinking your "low" is further than they are right now.
You are someone's safety, someone's go to for care.
Remember to be that important to yourself too.
We are all doing this together, separately.
Reach out. Spread Light.


-S.M.

Sea Foam

What now? she says.
Cut from the source and there was so much more.
Leave the dead parts where they lay so they grow into life again.
Washed up on the shore, and I breathe life into me.
Because I'm the only one that I needed to see.
You no longer have any power here.
It was for my own protection that I lay down in soft Sea foam in order to hide.
Writhing and freeing the womb that had held me inside.
Born again, and again, and again.
When it's time, the whole fucking world can be mine.

Now We Dance

#saulwilliams

-in dreams

I built castles in her wake.
Calling through winds for the trees did not shake.
Hiding in closets, holding golden boxes,
who has the key, why should it be me?
It's no longer locked,
baby, it's no longer locked.
I never cast her away the way she thought I did.
I just wanted to rest from all the times I hid.
I did what I had to do within the circumstances,
Don't you question the tactics of my survival,
While tearing my soul from flames I never forgot our dances.
The way your eyes shined, and before I spoke, you memorized my mind.
When hearts hold sisters a certain way,
I promised I'd come back for you one day.
The doors are open, but I'm not inside.
I'm out and about traveling where I belong, back when you met me,
and where I'll always be.
Playing hoaxes, letting them all think we died.
Opened tombs; empty, though filled with petals.
Blossom, my little darling because your mind never settles.
In the elsewhere, if you may.

82015

"Zyra."

The other side sent their regards.
Every time I fall back, it's securely into their arms.
Resonating through, shivers through my spine.
Feeling you.
Through the sunlight highlighting spider's woven catchers,
through lace, leaves, and a wink of an eye to know how and where this healing has taken place.
I hear them like never before.
Hands open, white light, I'm sure.
I still know this dance,
My happiness does not fall into another's hands.
My blessings received.

The Three, that came to me.
A door has swung open, and I'm running through,
into the still space to watch the world cascade over in shooting stars.
Time traveling into fast forwarded clouds.
Anchor to those I hold close,
drying tears from hearts that need me most.
My messages received,
cracked this lavender shell and we're so relieved.
We're never done, had a good run.
Move now to better things, forward where your soul sings.

She told me that this would've knocked down those who were stronger,
I stand back up each time because I'm supposed to prevail longer.
Voices whispering softly with black cherry tongues.
Tired life lines, carrying old souls, and Namaste to the young.
I will carry you in my hair, like the vibrant sun.
Spread warmth, it's time to walk not run.
Soak in this space, I know myself, for when I scry with our mirror.
I see her face.

S.M.
8*11*15

Νψχι

Found me here...

Atrocious mess made to feel slightly off kilter in your kindness.
So you stopped dead in your tracks.
For years I could not feel it.
I hid in gathered nests from branches that reach across.
Kiss my mouth and pull my layers like the threads that bare my soul to vicious vision-less thieves.
Or to me.
To you, for you, through me.
I see.
Color dancing ceiling tiles, please oh please just stay a while.
More.
Running up hills to lift off with Chinese lantern filled skies.

Strawberry pouch and scattered glass.
I'll write about you for years to come,
like the rising sun, and then some.
Lift my hands with yours, pull me in and let me reside until I find my own.
You found me here,
in a shaken phase, laughing face.
Messy hair, soft lips, small hands and eyes that stare.
Into you,
staring into me.
Write silent poetry while you touch my thighs.
torn muscles from running so hard, for so long.
permeated with the sound of swan songs.

Never knew.
Hate could've been such a lover.
Until we find another.
All straps come lose,
and you're free from here,
so you stay with me.
Summer scented Moon-lit safety.
Reach in.
Pull me out and dance in this white noise.

S.M.
080415

Swamp Geometry

The complexities in life are so delicately intricate that we forget just how terrifically strong the bonds hold. Until we are enraptured in gigantic weaving webs on bridges at irrelevant hours, or in a color melting conch shell just outside of our comfort level, but directly on the line of our own parallel thought processes.
There is no escape, absolutely none and in that moment we realize we do not need to escape.
I closed my eyes and the wind carries me so perfectly, wrapping around us like a blanketed energy, particles that absorb until they are larger, swallowing us, then giving birth to us again.
Over... and over... We bloom.
Tossing us into the ocean and telling us 'lay in fields and watch the sky,' every time the lightening struck the ground it hit us. Electrified and reborn.
We have transcended over time continually, We are those who still connect to this connection, just So.
Cradled in soft cosmic hands that you haven't held in years, and you feel everything in your chest, catching your breath, sending chills up your spine. Mouth opens you gasp for air.
You miss everything that was, but know, it always IS.
Your hair is encapsulating us we needed the cocoon to hardened so we could crack and emerge, again.
Over... and over...
Purple refractions and flames that cover what we've sacrificed to get back to where we belong.
Time elapsed, slowed down, focused and spun us back onto our feet.
We are standing, but falling, floating, gently.
Soft feathers of your wings you had in past lives.
Flying, to future lives to remind us.
Revisit this place. Focusing the rear view mirror and catching shadows.
Every so often collide into these complexities with confidence that we are there.
Together holding hands. Like always.
I love you.

— with Leala Farnsworth and Kristen Norton.

Vague inbetweens

Out reach

I belong to She.
With soft light resonating, I belong to me.
Aura cleansed, skin shed.
Bright Moon,
She said,
Let me See. Let me See.
Waved her hands through starry skies,
Ascending vision, those who speak, will not tell me lies.
Conjure pure winds with the thick summer air,
tying knots into silken hair.
Bound to me, or set against.
It's your choice, this is your test.

I sit upon a flower bed, braiding crowns for her sleepy head.
The way you moved me doesn't mean much,
when you move another the same way.
I'm the silent one with a lot to say.
Far away and never seen, just a taste,
then into the night with much haste.
I can't stay here when I'm floating away.
Kisses placed into your hands,
"Maybe another day."

S.M.
7/31/15

Best friend

Dearest LealaLove

Our Venus is in full flourish while Jupiter is about to eagerly engulf.
An 8 years of shedding skin has full circled us,
Here we are, still holding hands.
Sparkling eyes and our laughter heard for decades before and beyond.
My golden queen, Faerie mother, with your soft arms always held out.
Nature runes, random prose, colored glass, a combined soul that knows.
I spend my happiest times with you, never allowing me to spread too thin.
Always coaxing out of our peripheral shells,
I place my seeds in your palm.
Face up with the sunshine floating down to kiss our eyes.
There is a difference between best friends and soul sisters that have intertwining stories.
Years mean nothing when we have spent lifetimes traveling together.
Speaking soft syllables and melodic imagery to each other through dreams spaces,
that we often and luckily fall into the inbetweens.
Where we know each other best.
I love you.
Happy year 30.

Breathing into me

Well...

+gold+

Found us in the wormhole, under belly.
Basement scent.
Silk dance, soft hair, Skin wet.
Crawling through, on to you.
Crawling through, into you.
Wafted wind in summer hues,
Sunset gradient. Gold transition, sky blues.
3 a.m. street tag, glitter lights our Palm lines.
No doubt, No debt, paid in full, all my Karma Fines.
Parallel and entangled, bounce through neon sphere.
Want your closeness, want warmth, wherever this is, come here.
Shiny paint, peel off walls, lost appeal in darkened halls.
Shut the door and use the key.
Skip a step and fall through, I'll catch you, I'll catch you.
Deep blanketing indigo galaxy.
You shine to me, iridescent glow. Light show.
Misted dew, Refresh in grass to lay with you.
July 11  4:11am

S.M.

When people walk out of your life, let them.
Don't stand in their way. Simply let go.
Let all the strings attached to every piece of you float upward.
Examine them, realize what is tied to what and apply that to how you're living your current life. Nod, then untie the knots.
Be present, completely engulfed in the now.
This is necessity. Move Forward.

And the moon was drawn.

Reaching hands like warm glowing lights through dark blue.
And you catch me every time.
Every time, it's you.
I make nests in colored strands of hair and you cover me in soft fur.
We stare at the sky and count each constellation.
Eyes meet, without words a soul's consolation.
You're always welcome here if you want to stay.
Whispering into winds at night,
words I swore I wouldn't say.
And the moon is drawn.
Her bony white fingers coming down to pull my hair.
I told you, girl, be strong.
Spoken in a soft french accent and she sits upon my bed.
Pulling dark energy out of my mouth and from my head.
Dragging up the wall and in the shadows she stands tall.
I can not speak so she does through me,
Paralyzed through sleep.
In dreams, I'm guided. Safety of surrender.
To her bidding.
And the moon was drawn.

07012015
S.M.

Dream-

I'm sitting on the ground outside of mojos.
jolynn is asking me if I need to go with him, I ask who?
she points to this guy i dont really know in waking life but see relatively often and he is standing between a red truck and a gold car. (M) I ask her why i'd go with him? She shrugs. 
I get up and stand near him he looks over at me not surprised that I came to him.
Both the truck and the gold car disappear. we are standing in the middle on the road,
everything else fades away too.
just night sky and a road lit with a couple street lights.
He smiles which makes me smile too.

Reset.

Go, Slow...

Opened all doors and the light says go, lit up with that blue-green glow.
Keeping sage in the air,
swaying together, with hands in my hair.
Tracing the light with your fingers as it pours from her wounds,
Chants to pull down stars, but she keeps shushing you, "soon".
When you bring me in your waves,
and we're colliding in space.
Storms remove pieces, where only positivity stays.
That's where you'll find me.
The distance has always been closer than it appeared.
Like all things, we fade out then disappear.
Draw me in close, remove the layers and you'll see without seeing.
Soft moons and the vibrant sun,
we've been feeling without feeling.
Opened all doors and the light says go,
Past creates hesitation, then meditation whispers, "go, slow."
All is still warm with your hands in my hair.
I'll be at a half way, as long as you're meeting me there.

-S.M.

dreams - little jars

I dreamt I was walking into a local bar. I sat next to M.
I was tlking with Leala but turned to M,
he handed me a little jar that he had in his pocket of his coat.
Inside was a rolled up little note. I went to take it out, I kept shaking it.
He started laughing, I'm not sure I even know what his laugh sounds like in real life,
I've only heard him speak a couple times.
M says in the dream I can only get the message out by breaking it.
I look at the jar and its a little glass blue-green bottle with intricate designs.
I think I can not break it because its so beautiful.
He goes to take it and smash it, I grab it back and yell at him "not yet" I want to keep it.
He says "It's yours, but what if its important?"
I say "then it will still be later?"
He pulls me in to hug me, it feels nice. I feel like he smells nice, it feels like "home"
Whatever the hell that means.
I wake up feeling like I know him...

I asked a friend about him when I woke up.
She just laughed at me.

Over & Out

Staring at your ceiling thinking about how I don't even know,
That Mercury retrograde, giving me whiplash though.
On my knees and I was crawling backwards out of carved out escape routes.
On the side we used to be on, I see you, you see me.
We know now better than ever, none of this comes for free.
Calling for a blood letting, calling for that sworn sacrifice.
I'm shaking watching these reflections in the water,
I'm dancing so hard and you're the only thing I even remember.
Things fit just so, and I'm running as fast as I can again.
It's night and these spiraling bricks cast shadows bigger than when we began.
Through these trees with falling petals,
My mouth filled with blood, tasting metals.
If I could just rest in the grass, but we start rolling down hills.
I can't catch my breath,
I can not catch my breath.
Succumb to the bottom of your star filled swimming pools.
Pat the seat beside you, but I'm busy leaping through flamed up hoops.
Calm down, no,
it's time to Go, so...
Somersault, baby, I can't even yield, Slow,
Planetary consent.
You're over there kissing me,
but we've been up for years and so jaded we can't even see.
It's just begun, Cause it's always beginning.
Remember your seat belt this time.
No stops.
Just up and outs.
We got this.

S.M.

I just need something mutual

But I haven't met them yet.

Karma debt

You’re on the other side bragging about burning all your bridges.
But I’m staring you down with the kerosene can in my hand.
You’ll thank me someday.
When you finally realize all your threads were loose,
You’ll realize it was I, that cut that noose.
It’ll all set in within time.
Just as I said the last time we spoke.
But watch your tongue or I’ll remove it.
Succubus and you’ll breathe me out,
I’ll take as I will;
Payment for all your current debts.

Belly Wound bird jeweled
crowns come down and you’ve got sun in your eyes
flicker haze you want circles- - -
i can
go
for
days
on her little perch in an air tight jar
molting like feathers her hair will fall
watch your sharp beak baby
all seeded berries staining your lips
wet them
parched
see you in your dreams

-S.M.

Violet

Lay me down in this once suffocating silken cocoon.
Opalized, left for your altar.
I am carrying a Mirror.
Pupils dilate.
Heart swept, soft wake.

"April into May"

This motion in fluidity, a gentle wrapping of energy.
The feeling you have when your hand is out in the wind from a moving car,
but instead it's in your stomach.
There is a desire to grasp it, a static tingling in your third eye.
This is all a dance, so intricately complacent but burrowing into your heart.
Float. Epiphany. Finally.
Sunshine leaving her scent on you.
Pull you in, connect, reflect.
This path is never lonely because once one is out you let another in.
Rolling in warm sand during low tide.
Gulping the salt of tears, no more.
I let it flow and no longer am making cups from my palms,
because emotional health is above all in order to ground yourself,
TO yourself.
Heal yourself, Heal yourself, Heal yourself.
Clarity comes next. Be ready.
Birds take flight.

S.M.

Rory

Three years ago, I became a mother.
First and foremost, my child.
My star seed, My heart outside my body.
My connect to something deeper and worth being.
No one can stand in the way of the love for a mother and her child.
That doesn't mean the child needs to be from her womb,
or even nourished from her bosom.
Just an expansion of love onto levels you can not understand until you look into dilated pupils of someone who thinks you are a god in their new universe.
Held to the light, Halo, like a first born son.

A family once together,
even now separated will have faith in our child that love prevails.
It resides inside him. A light that shines through his eyes,
his small fingers in my hair, little breaths as he falls asleep,
and the stars that rest on his eyelashes.
Float off to carry dreams, that he'll reach in his future.
That I'll hold him up to reach things now that he will then remember.
He is a universe, my little galaxy that once spun cosmos in the milky way.
Now dancing in rooms with friends,
somersaults and smiles and soft glances up at mom.

My little dreamer.
Hula hooping through Saturn with bouncing planets on a play date.
Now reading me stories I once wrote for you.
Pride-eyes in growing like a flower, the perfect garden.
Apple of my eye.

Happy Birthday Rory Salvatore

Forced karma, and you're still pulling thread from dilated pupils.
Wrap your wrists and untie all your knots.
What's done has been done before; you left the records on repeat.
Sheer curtains with the 7 A.M. sun, I remembered how I got here,
and why this had begun.
Laser tag and I pin you down.
Neon glow pouring from your collar bones as my lips meet in the hollowed out hope.
Soft orange crown, tracing with fingertips, sharp teeth, and breath meeting.
There is spirit here, dancing at midnight parties.
You'll meet me someday, in the outline of a heartfelt beat.
The noisy static of wandering souls.

-S.M.

222 B

Songs that somehow saved your life back then, somehow saving your life again through nostalgia that you aren't interested in tasting.
Bringing you to your knees, remembering lives passed.
You knocked on the glass so gently, you wrote letters and put them in hands that could no longer feel. Lungs that could no longer breathe.
Spinning chairs and steel caged spider webs, the people here, weren't there back then.
I went through a period of time where I was crawling at warp speed,
eating circus colors as they lay in my head to drown the emotions I was hiding.
You want to disclose my past, then maybe you should know it first.
Dreams that told the future, too late, just in time.
Just like when I met you, but it was worth something then,
a life worth saving, when I would have given mine.

My friend, whom I wrote to even after passing.
Who shook me through dreams years after.
The only one who has ever returned, How did I attribute you to this?
Revisiting these years back and tearing pieces out of journals to swallow it all down.
Every single year.
I lay back down in that attic. I am sitting in that park. I am flooded with the phone calls of things I could not answer, and I'm yelling our favorite songs in your room.
The voltage that hit us all and we scattered like rats,
I've still never been able visited your grave, our childhoods are in there with you, forever.


r.i.p. Kid

Out here.

Humans are constantly evolving. Even on days where we are walled in by our own eradicated thoughts, all nerves exposed and pupils are dilated because of the overload on senses.
I feel it is best to stay transparent in trying times, reach when you need to.
My motives involve healing for myself and for my child's sake so I can continue to do the best I can for us.
If you think there is anything more than that then you have to realize the words you are spreading are not thoughts in my head,
your words are only reflecting you.

My words are reflecting myself, my struggling through concepts,
to collect myself, to realize all the cleared out paths that are in front of me and what it is exactly that intimidates me about that forward flow running through me.
Collecting the things that hurt, analyzing them and then releasing them.
If you someone doing this, reach the fuck out instead of running your mouth.
That is the most significant advice I can really give.
Reach out to people!
Why is that SO incredibly difficult, to climb over ourselves to connect?
To put all your fabrications down, the things you said don't have to always feel that way, and they won't.
People get so offended when others are sensitive lately and that is incredibly concerning. Drop the fear; Communicate.

I am making a lot of repetitive thought induced posts lately.
But anyone who has known me for longer than this breach of contract shit with my soul knows how deep I am in this.
Those feelings are not always eloquently put, or clear;
the clarity fizzles out sometimes.
That is where they are facing their own fears and you are watching a magnificent internal battle.
This is how we GROW.

Anxiety trigger

Frequency too high.
I am the sound that doesn't disconnect.
Drumming fingertips on the floor to feel the noise in my head.
Rolling in sheets and down a hill, unravel.
Breath held for seventeen minutes then release.
Bass pounding sounds that come up through my chest.
Clicking pens. I'm going for a year long walk.
Concrete, I want warm moss.
Lock jaw and your tongue is numb.
Consume the vibration.
Fading lilacs.

I am allowed to think I'm cute.
I am allowed to love myself, be vulnerable, ask for support.
I'm don't have to silence myself because other people are uncomfortable with who I am.
I just have to remember how to be comfortable in my own thoughts, alone.Life. Is. Fair.
If you don't believe that, then you are facing the wrong direction.
Circumstances that lead to circumstances, this is the cycle.
Prepare yourself, because it's fucking beautiful.

HOPE

Not everyone can be strong all the time.
We all need down time to rest.
Sometimes we are going too quickly and the universe gives us a wall to hit for a reason; so we can lay on our backs and stare up at the stars and realize how small these issues are.
In time they will be memories that we can choose to forget or to remember fondly as learning experiences no matter how rough they are.
It is hard as hell when feeling like you have been able to follow your soul and feeling it exposing you to the light and positive energy that you seek, that you've created, the warmth that is inside you that you forget to see.

When you are standing in a complete void, that you pour your heart into everything you do and just a couple words of positive affirmation might get someone through the day; maybe they don't have anything positive left for that day either.
Maybe they are struggling as hard as you are, Maybe they don't realize how important they are to you because they don't see it in themselves.
Because you don't see it in yourself right now.

When the universe has caused you to purge endlessly, body, mind, and soul.
Left emotionally and physically limp, numb, and eyes glazed over.
It's time for a long rest. Even if you don't have time to rest, you need to force that down time, that is exactly what is happening right now.
Maybe your aura cleansing was too soon, maybe you weakened yourself in perfect timing though.
There is sunlight pouring through the windows, your heart feels like it's swallowing you from the inside.
Fucking let it.

You can only look out the window so many times before getting up and moving along to where you belong, wherever that is, at that time, you'll find it.
Manifest it.
Perhaps all strings are being cut for reasons beyond our control.
All we can do is hope.