I am allowed to think I'm cute.
I am allowed to love myself, be vulnerable, ask for support.
I'm don't have to silence myself because other people are uncomfortable with who I am.
I just have to remember how to be comfortable in my own thoughts, alone.Life. Is. Fair.
If you don't believe that, then you are facing the wrong direction.
Circumstances that lead to circumstances, this is the cycle.
Prepare yourself, because it's fucking beautiful.

HOPE

Not everyone can be strong all the time.
We all need down time to rest.
Sometimes we are going too quickly and the universe gives us a wall to hit for a reason; so we can lay on our backs and stare up at the stars and realize how small these issues are.
In time they will be memories that we can choose to forget or to remember fondly as learning experiences no matter how rough they are.
It is hard as hell when feeling like you have been able to follow your soul and feeling it exposing you to the light and positive energy that you seek, that you've created, the warmth that is inside you that you forget to see.

When you are standing in a complete void, that you pour your heart into everything you do and just a couple words of positive affirmation might get someone through the day; maybe they don't have anything positive left for that day either.
Maybe they are struggling as hard as you are, Maybe they don't realize how important they are to you because they don't see it in themselves.
Because you don't see it in yourself right now.

When the universe has caused you to purge endlessly, body, mind, and soul.
Left emotionally and physically limp, numb, and eyes glazed over.
It's time for a long rest. Even if you don't have time to rest, you need to force that down time, that is exactly what is happening right now.
Maybe your aura cleansing was too soon, maybe you weakened yourself in perfect timing though.
There is sunlight pouring through the windows, your heart feels like it's swallowing you from the inside.
Fucking let it.

You can only look out the window so many times before getting up and moving along to where you belong, wherever that is, at that time, you'll find it.
Manifest it.
Perhaps all strings are being cut for reasons beyond our control.
All we can do is hope.

trapeze acts

I put too much faith into people that don't have enough faith in themselves.
I pour and pour and pour because I am an over flowing fountain of emotions, of being, of energy.
Either swim in me or drown, but don't waste that. I'm sick of crying over trivial matters.
I'm swimming in myself after years of reoccurring dreams where I never surface,
I am learning to just keep my head above the water and let those waves crash into me.
Cleanse me.
I've only just begun to learn how to use my own positive lights in way the way they were meant to be used.
But I'm still vulnerable. I'm still bare, fragile, and delicate though I stand tall.
Sometimes I also need some coaxing, sometimes I need someone to provide me shelter.
Maybe I'm pressing too hard, maybe I'm begging someone to hear me and tell me it is okay for once.
Instead of pressing blame on me when I show light on where they can improve themselves.
Maybe that comes in part of being an empath of sorts.
I'm restless.

I'm giving too much, not taking enough.
I need nourishment, but have had no appetite for so long.
That this small bite feels like a rock in my stomach and life is digesting me from the inside out.
Process this.
I can for others, than why can I not take my own fucking advice?
Why am I standing in my own door ways now.
I push and pull and I'm just struggling in my own head.
I don't speak clearly enough for myself?
Am I not good enough to stand on my own two feet, because I was told not to for however long.
I have crawled behind to meet others and it's made me lazy?
Why am I having such a hard time losing my footing, just jump and let it all fall into place?

I am done with all these short comings. I'm walking to the end of races, and still circling those around me.
I am the circle, I complete myself.
I can remove the bits and mold myself like clay to continually grow, but I don't want the solidity,
I am a sphere, and I am clear, I am floating.
I can shine light in so many directions, sharing, while also filling myself;
I am allowed to.
This is my inevitable journey.
I don't choose this, I just can nod at myself when the directions carry me away.
Let them.

Let.
This.
Go.

I'm so good at pretending that I'm strong that I forget to cry.
That others forget I'm also allowed to be weak.
I'm allowed to be fragile and vulnerable, I'm allowed to express my hurt.
I collect myself, I collect feelings of others as well.

I forget to release them, what was yours is now stuck inside me.

Positive and negative, it's all chaos.
A deep cleanse is in order, and I'm terrified to see how thick that water really runs.
If I pull away too soon, I may do more harm than good.
But no more than you already have.
Do I wait? For what?
I'm slowly slipping from branch to branch.
I climbed up too high, and you've cut my security net.

I'm trying to be quiet as to not disrupt others in their journeys.
That theirs started before mine ended, unknowingly? Or worse; Knowingly.

I swept all the lines in my own to start over and now...
I'm traveling in dreams alone.
But they aren't dreams, they're nightmares and this is reality watching you shift the blame, watching you tie the rocks while promising friendship.
I'm slowly sinking and it hurts too much to try to resurface.
I don't even want to anymore, I'm too exhausted.

Humans are such bizarre creatures.
We grow from nourishment just as all creatures do. We have minds that need filling, we respond to touch. We desire warmth from others;
yet we dread it just the same.
We are combined energy that bounces back and forth collecting particles.
If we stop collecting we cease our Being, in turn we just Are.
That is a new path entirely... Or an old one depending on circumstance.
So many are searching with their eyes closed, standing around letting others take their hands and lead them to "water".
When what they need to do is pry their eyes open and reflect on themselves. Stop projecting confusion, you can't light a candle and call the flame a different name to make it change it's self.
It is exactly as it was when it presented itself to you.
Humans don't seem to fully understand that perception.
Not enough of them at least.
Most of which are too busy lacking where they claim to be complete to realize their own projections...
Until the allegory ball is bounced back into their corner with accumulated energies to feed upon. You'll never realize how you are starving yourself from "Being"

010914

revist last year posts

Those who try to tame lions...
Bare no witness to just how brightly a Phoenix burns.
You've been masticated before reaching my profound nest of iridescent feathers, placed in circular mandalas.
Maps. Trails. A soft aroma of burning embers.
She preens, while her once wind swept mane was tousled, she has grown wings.
So vibrant, you may find yourself too mesmerized to realize, your reaching hands have caught fire.
Tame...
Hardly.
Never.

The cards have spoken.
In sporadic gestures. 7 cards, adding up the 223, a laugh, a lifted brow, and the song of intuition. One more card... 11.
Light. Reborn, renewed as the Phoenix... And a new life to carry.
Awaken.

January 5, 2014Opal eggs. Bubbles.
The planetary shifts are like contractions during labor. Breathe and release, breathe and release.
We all come out covered in a film of confusion, A hull from our mothers womb.
Placenta trees, vein branches, it takes someone very brave to see the real beauty that is life.
Breathe and release.
Oh, hatchlings, damp feathers and huge translucent eyes.
We fall from nests too soon. Mother knows best. {{Moth}}er.