Dream: Armadillo saftey courses

I'm walking down a dirt road with a male friend of mine who I had recently mistakenly opened up to in waking life. I'm wearing my usual indigo colored cloak, and we get to where the road met a path in the woods.
But the trees were not filled with the green leaves... they were red and orange like fire.
I sensed something and said to him 'too soon' and he looked at me disappointed.
My dark hairred girl friend who is often in these dreams of mine comes to the edge of the woods, she is waiting for me to come with her... (I feel she is my stronger self because she often appears when I'm feeling a bit lost of weary of the path I'm on).

I look at my male friend, I tell him I'll come back for him and I hand him my cloak, I feel he needs it to be protected from whatever it is that's coming.... not just in our lives here but in the spiritual world and I have no way of helping him do whatever it is he has to do right now because I have my own journey first.
After I hand him my cloak I back away from him as he puts it on... he turns into an armadillo. And I feel I know he has used this so he is protected and I run into the red forest with my dark hairred self.
We are running so fast that trees no longer look like trees but almost as though we are floating through a red tunnel almost as though we were swimming through a blood stream. I felt warm, I felt like I was in a dreamy state; And felt very strong deja vu even in my dream...

Summer has Arrived!

Today things will be getting Better

Dream: Green Stairs

I tell my friend I have to meet my mom at the store, so he walks me there, and when I walk in I can't find her, I see glimpses of her passing clothes racks, I remember the colors yellow and pink, almost like satin. I finally am right behind her she asks me if we can go get something to eat, I nod, and she runs down a flight of stairs, they are painted bright green, I start following her, and get half way down the stairs and can't go any further the stair case is crumbling. She looks up and asks if I "can come back down" with her sometime?

I shake my head no and feel upset that she won't stay upstairs with me...

Dream: Melt Project...

It's dark outside, summer, fresh air and the street lights are making the shine of the city orange.
I am at a house with my friend Elsbeth, it seems like some kind of house party there's a lot of people but they are all kind of blurs. We are in a living room it's lime green and lit with fluorescent lights my friend Kyle is there who I haven't seen in a few years.
My friend Elsbeth's father is there (in waking life, he passed a way a few years ago and I never met him in person). He comes up to me and it wearing a button up shirt with little pinwheels all over it.
He shakes my hand and points into a room. I look at him and walk into the room.

It's cold, and dim there's a glass case, almost like an aquarium without water, instead it's an art exhibit, it says my name under it. Inside is a paper mache' doll next to a televison. I take the remote off the stand in front of it, and press a button for it to play, whatever this film is that I made.

Everything seems green at first and then with time elasped photography it's a girl laying in the grass. The grass is swaying quickly because of the way things are shot, the sun rises and falls several times casting different shadows each time, then I realize the girl is... melting is the best word I can use. She isn't decaying, but it's similar, she is getting smaller, thinner, plasticy, the earth starts growing over her 'corpse' and then it's almost as though she were never there.
I look behind me and a crowd of people start clapping and applauding my 'film'.
People are crying and moved deeply, and I realize it's on several televisions placed in different parts of the rooms.

Elsbeth comes into the room and hugs me, she says she is cold so I give her the hoodie that I'm wearing, and realize it has the same pattern on it her dad's shirt had on it.

and then I woke up.

Dream: Need Music

I've been having a difficult time remembering my dreams lately (understandably so being all the changes my waking life is taking part in). So, this was last night.

I'm walking through downtown where I live, but things are brighter, cleaner,
the grass between houses, between side walks is bright and healthy.
I'm at a party like atmosphere with a few people I don't think seem too familiar.
The one girl has longer dark hair she feels like I'm close to her, a companion type.
Then there is a blonde girl. She's for some reason irritating me and I don't want to be around her. I say that I'm going for a drive and ask my brunette friend if she'd like to join...
and the blonde girl seems to be just following us along.
She asks if she can drive us instead.

I don't want them to know I'm irritated so I shrug and let her.
I'm in the back seat looking out the window, the trees are flashing by in blurs,
it's dusk out now, and we end up right where we started.
I'm thinking in my dream how desperately I want to listen to music and just go home and dance by myself.
I step out of the car and there is water pouring out of a spout, I get this feeling like I'm wasting time and need desperately to just be away.

The blonde girl is talking to the brunette girl about how I'm acting so strange.
I pause trying to keep my mouth shut, but then I say
'I don't want to be around anyone, that I'm irritable and when people talk about me it's making me feel worse'
She goes into the house, my brunette friend stares at me, like I'm completely out of line,
she tells me that if I want to be alone so badly then maybe I should leave.

I don't feel upset by this, or seem to be phased at all, she goes in and closes the door.
And I am upset because my headphones are in her house...
and I can't listen to music on my walk home.

We used to be as fresh as Summer, but now we're just the sweat drenched sheet after the nightmare.
I used to reach out, but my my hands are dropped to my sides.
My shadow used to stretch across the warmth of the sidewalk just to be close to you.
I used to get this anxious grin creeping over my face whenever I'd see you,
and now you just leave the room... me standing on my own.
There's a barrier in the place that I call home, and I refuse to live this way.
You push and push until I'm on the ground. I stare up asking questions with my eyes.
Answered by my own heart. You said not to worry, that we'd be alright.
I believe now that was something you just were hoping to believe on your own.
Flashing that you can leave as you please in my face when I'm in need...
You expect me to beg? When all I can think, is, not if I do first...
I see you trying to climb the wall you just built in between us...
but I'm not going to meet you half way, not this time.

Saree McClaran
2010

New Moon Intention: June 12th 2010

I am an Artist

Dream: the Greenhouse

First dream in weeks... I'm walking through a corridor, I feel I am about 5 or 6 years old. I'm walking slowly, softly swiping my hand along the wall as I walk. I feel curious and scared. At the end of the corridor is a large door, the sun is spilling in, it feels warm although I'm not close yet. I keep taking small steps inching closer. When I stand about one inch from the light. I look up and a small cat walks in the door, I can only see her shadow, she rubs along the door then flops on the sunspot and rolls on her back to show her striped belly.

I step into the sun with her, and look out the doorway.
There's a few stairs that go to a huge meadow, lush beautiful grass with small indian paintbrush flowers and poppies. The kitty is still rolling around in the dust and sun happily.
I look back down the hall from where I came, it's light blue looking, shadowed, kind of cold.
I see a lady in the distance, down crouching by a bush, she seems to be looking at something, or for something. I run over to her, hoping she is my mom.
But she's not my mom at all, she's me (my real age me).
I stare at her, she is holding a small bird, she points to a nest it must've hopped out of that is in the bush in front of her. She kneels down in front of me and moves my hair from my eyes. She tells me that my eye color is going to change from blue to green this year and picks me up (that happened when I was 7 in waking life).

Suddenly I'm in a greenhouse with a male friend of mine. (I'm real age me again)
I can't understand anything being said but I'm happy anyway. I'm running my fingers along leaves of plants and suddenly I'm holding a small toddler boy, he is naked and is pointing at the flowers with me. He lays his head on me and I feel very secure here.

When I wake up I have butterflies in my tummy and I feel very excited and hopeful.

I'm tearing away all the negativity, like leeches with their teeth sunk into my skin I will peel back these layers.
I realize these walls are what prevent me from seeing what I actually have.
I hide away and peer over the tops, looking back the way things Used to be...
although they could still be that way if only I could...
I am tearing away, my fingers bleeding from the wear and tear of breaking myself back down.
I've been preparing so I can just start all over.
I built these walls to protect myself, but they've caused me more harm.
When all you're left with is yourself....
you feel like you are the only thing left to hate.
Like you're stuck in some time warp tunnel and you can hear the echo of your everday life and it spins by
seeming unreal. It's in arms reach, all you have to do is reach out.