Things I should never admit

Sometimes there is something under my skin that crawls to the surfaces.
Through my veins it stings and swells until it becomes it's own entity.
Without blades to cut, the skin just tears itself from the inside... only I can see it.
You could be laying right next to me but you'll never see it pouring from me.
You'll never see the inside prying through.
I could be screaming for help but you'll only hear a whisper under my breath,
like confessions in our sleep.

There are fingertips pressing my spine. The fluids cease and freezes and I can no longer...
I'm numb, but it's so dull that I'm vibrating just from the energy I'm using to try and speak.
I'm breaking.
My ultraviolet blood all over your hands.
You can't see, you can never fucking see this.

-Saree McClaran

Dream: 2 purple manta rays water birth

Yesterday I had an amazing dream that it was my due date. For some reason I had a little umbilical cord that had fallen off of me and was holding it in my hand. I felt a bit sad that it had fallen off, like I was no longer connected. I went outside and there was a parade going on, fireworks, music but I was just trying to find my friend Els because it was time for my baby to come.
I was walking up wooden stairs almost to a patio and Erin was there. Her and Elsbeth helped me into a large pool, it became dark out, and there were blue and green lights lit up, I felt beautiful, and peaceful.

Two black and purple manta rays came up to me, they started swimming around me and nudging my belly. They seemed to glow in the dark and were beautiful. They were there to help guide me through my birth and help me have my little boy.
I had him in the pool and they pushed him to the surface, I took him and held him close in my arms and kept thanking them and saying I love you.
I woke up feeling relieved and wishing it were real...