trapeze acts

I put too much faith into people that don't have enough faith in themselves.
I pour and pour and pour because I am an over flowing fountain of emotions, of being, of energy.
Either swim in me or drown, but don't waste that. I'm sick of crying over trivial matters.
I'm swimming in myself after years of reoccurring dreams where I never surface,
I am learning to just keep my head above the water and let those waves crash into me.
Cleanse me.
I've only just begun to learn how to use my own positive lights in way the way they were meant to be used.
But I'm still vulnerable. I'm still bare, fragile, and delicate though I stand tall.
Sometimes I also need some coaxing, sometimes I need someone to provide me shelter.
Maybe I'm pressing too hard, maybe I'm begging someone to hear me and tell me it is okay for once.
Instead of pressing blame on me when I show light on where they can improve themselves.
Maybe that comes in part of being an empath of sorts.
I'm restless.

I'm giving too much, not taking enough.
I need nourishment, but have had no appetite for so long.
That this small bite feels like a rock in my stomach and life is digesting me from the inside out.
Process this.
I can for others, than why can I not take my own fucking advice?
Why am I standing in my own door ways now.
I push and pull and I'm just struggling in my own head.
I don't speak clearly enough for myself?
Am I not good enough to stand on my own two feet, because I was told not to for however long.
I have crawled behind to meet others and it's made me lazy?
Why am I having such a hard time losing my footing, just jump and let it all fall into place?

I am done with all these short comings. I'm walking to the end of races, and still circling those around me.
I am the circle, I complete myself.
I can remove the bits and mold myself like clay to continually grow, but I don't want the solidity,
I am a sphere, and I am clear, I am floating.
I can shine light in so many directions, sharing, while also filling myself;
I am allowed to.
This is my inevitable journey.
I don't choose this, I just can nod at myself when the directions carry me away.
Let them.

Let.
This.
Go.