Sunday, April 4, 2010

Dream: Stop the car!


It's early, the sun is rising and the sky is painted by the sun. I'm admiring how the orange compliments the bright green grass. I'm excited Spring has sprung.
I'm sitting in the grass, it's moist and dewey when I breathe a faint cloud forms.
I look down and my hands look like I've dipped them in green paint.
I stand up everywhere the grass touched is covered in green paint. I laugh and shrug it off. I'm walking on a long road, I have no idea where I am, but I don't feel confused or lost. I feel quite content.
A car is coming from behind me, they drive by me really slow, I look in the window it's a man, I don't know him. He stops the car and shouts for me to get in he needs to take me some place safe.
He says it's going to start raining. I get in.
In the backseat is a little blonde girl, with wavy hair and bright big happy eyes she gets antsy and wiggles about in her seat and says, "Why were you outside Mommy? Don't you want to be home with us?" I look over at the man driving. He has a wedding ring on. I look at my hand and it's the same ring that I'm wearing.
I think to myself I'm married? Why don't I know my own husband....
I crawl over the seat to get in the back with my 'daughter' she is playing cat's cradle with rainbow colors of string, I pull the strings how she tells me to.
She asks me "Why do you always walk?"
I just kind of laugh, I feel like I love her a lot, I hug her and she lays her head on my lap. I play with her hair.
The man driving starts to drive off a bank into a lake. (I have had this type of dream before, countless amounts of times)
I close my eyes for a moment and collect my thoughts, I know it'll be fast, I know I have to BE fast. I hurry and unhook my daughter's seatbelt, she's sleeping, I didn't ever fasten mine.
I tell my 'husband' please stop the car, please don't do this again.
He is silent and into the water he drives, it's almost in slow motion.
I am holding her so tight I can't open the door yet, something stops me, I feel myself crying.
But I have to be strong for her, I don't know how to swim. But I will swim to keep her alive.
She is my heart. I kick the door open, the water swallows us, I hold my breath and push off the car, the sun is bright and bubbles are escaping my nose, I push her to the surface, she's awake I hear her "Mommy come up now! Hurry " I feel weak, she's swimming to the shore, I can't breathe, I keep losing myself and letting myself go under, I know she's safe.
That's all that mattered.

I wake up, gasping.

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