Save me.

I keep feeling disoriented, it might be the medication I'm on right now though.
I feel slightly tipped to the left. Not me in general, but my planetary alignment.
I feel too bold, I feel slightly.... scratch that... incredibly manic.
As though I'm invincible. Though I'm far from it.
I felt like I had tasted death in my mouth again, for over a week while an infection streamed rapidly through my blood, and I could feel it clogging me with sickness.
The sensation was that of hell running it's softer fingertips down my back and grasps my soul and twisting it, just enough yo send jolting pain through my body.
The one night in particular where I laid in my apartment alone I had nothing to relieve my mind.
No silly cute boyfriend to adjust my vision, no mindframe that could even be touched my reality.
I was laying in bed crying as the dark shadows loomed over me like they do at times where I can't find myself, like a swelling cloud of faces that are watching me I cried into my pillow as my cat watched me wide-eyed.

I finally got enough motivation to struggle to the bathroom, I am telling you the pain was excruciating. I left all the lights off and climbed into a bath, too hot at first, and laid in it hallucinating until the water was cool.
She lived here before me, and I often only see her in my 'sleep paralysis' episodes (which I need to update my "dream" journal with the last one from a week weeks ago)
She sat on the edge of the bathtub. When I first moved her her hair was straggly, unkempt, and now when I feel her she is healthier looking, for what it's worth I can sometimes she what she might look like if she was still actually here and not stuck in some limbo.
I feel her energy now almost as though she tries to protect me.
I can't explain it and it's entirely bizarre. I just bawled my eyes out, she looked straight a head, never looking at me. That's when I knew I had to go to the hospital and get medical help before the infection affected anything else.
I couldn't that night though, I was exhausted.

If I don't keep my job because of getting sick, so be it.
Struggling is what I'm best at, finding my way.
Tearing down walls and climbing further than before.
Why does money mean so much in this life? No I don't expect to live freely, just not as restricted.
I need to own less. My Possessions, possess me.

The full moon is releasing still, it does for about two weeks into the new moon where intentions will be made again.
Let. Go.